Ens
by Bil
Summary: Sam's PoV of some of the fourth season episode Entity. Oneshot.


"**Ens**"  
by Bil!

Category: Episode edition, possible angst  
Spoilers: Mega, mega spoilers for "Entity" (aka "Child's Play" apparently). You will not get this unless you have seen it (you may not get it anyway).  
Rating: PG  
Content Warnings: *I* wrote it. That should be enough to scare you away.  
Summary: Sam's POV of "Entity".  
Status: Complete  
Archive: Do not archive without permission.  
Disclaimer: This Universe and all it contains are MGM and co's. No money has been received for this, a work of fiction.  
Author's Notes: This is kinda weird, kinda odd. I'm like that. More of the kind of thing I come up with when I'm supposed to be studying. Oh, and for those of you who, like me an hour ago, have never heard the word "ens" before, it's honest English; means "entity".

I'm not entirely convinced that the punctuation alteration works. Any thoughts?

* * *

"**Ens**"

silence. silence, all around me. there should be voices. where are the voices? all that there is is silence. i never realised silence could be so loud. if i had hands i would cover my ears. if i had ears. but i have nothing.

dark nothingness surrounds me. nothingness, everythingness, anythingness. all that there is in this place. nothing.

i dance i sing i run i scream. and nothing happens; i can't move, i can't make a sound.

i don't exist, do i? i don't exist. i wish i did. i... i can almost remember existing. not exactly remembering, though. an... echo. an echo from what? from when? i don't remember. who am i? i wish i could remember.

i'm trapped. why? what is this place? why am i here? i don't like it here. hey! let me out of here!

fear. fear is here, in the nothingness, the all-that-ever-was, the all-that-never-was. where am i why am i who am i what am i? this is wrong.

this is wrong. i don't know how i know, i don't know why i know. but this is wrong. i know it's wrong.

where are the voices? there should be voices.

there should be light.

i'm trapped and i don't know how to get free. i want to be free. please, let me go. please.

i hate this. i hate this! i want to Be, i want to Exist. i want to Live, like the voices in the not-memory, like the people i can't quite see in the almost-memory.

i don't understand. what is this place? why am i here? why did someone trap me here? why?

what did i do that was so wrong that they did this to me?

i wish... i wish there was someone else here.

i'm scared.

where are the voices?

where are the others?

* * *

I can see. I remember who I am; a dizzying rush of memories: birthdays; Christmases; my mother's funeral; school prize-givings; the academy, promotions, Jonas, Dad, SG1 Jolinar Martouf Netu planetspeopleplacesthings... I remember.

And I'm still trapped. I still don't understand.

The creature, the entity that has me trapped in my own mind, unable to even feel my body, has let me surface, let me see. Why?

It's hurrying, fleeing, through the stark grey corridors of the base. But it isn't trying to escape, it has a goal. It's going to do something. I can't let it!

But it doesn't allow me to fight. It crushes me down and tucks me easily to one side. I'm useless. Useless.

Where are the others? Daniel and Janet and Teal'c and the Colonel? Why aren't they stopping this?

If it's hurt them...

People! Surrounded! The creature is uncertain, I can almost feel it.

It's trapped. Just like I am.

But it's not acting like it's trapped. It raises its - my - arms. I can see them, reaching upwards as if asking for divine intervention. Electricity leaps from my body to the ceiling. What does it think it's doing?

Something pulls at me.

A burst of blue fire clouds its/my/our vision. A zat blast. But it/I/we don't fall. It lowers my eyes.

The Colonel is there, holding a zat gun on it/me/us. The creature is focused on him. It stares into his eyes with my eyes. Sir! I struggle forward, trying to look out of my own eyes. Sir! I'm here!

He's the one who fired. He hasn't lowered the zat.

Something is trying to pull me away. Trying to drag me back into the . I resist.

He's still pointing the zat at it/me/us. Fire again, Colonel! Please, destroy it. Kill it! Kill it kill me kill it! You have to. Sir, please, hear me, please, kill me. You can't leave me trapped in here! You can't let it hurt you or the others. Please, sir! Please please please please please...

His face tightens. Thank you, sir!

He fires. Thank you, sir...

I scream in fear and rage and defiance and jubilation and glee. He heard me. And I can hear another voice screaming. A dying voice. It. It tears me away, throws me away, far away, so far away.

And I weep. Thank you, sir. Thank you.

And then there was dark.

* * *

silence. always silence. forever. no voices. no voices.

i am nothing, i am no one. nothing, no one, nothing. i don't exist.

no! i *do* exist. i know i do.

i know i do.

but where am i? i am surrounded by nothingness, everythingness, anythingness.

what is this place?

why do i feel like i've done this before?

i exist. i exist.

i am real. i am here.

i am here i am here i am here i am here i am here i am here i am here...

* * *

There is a new place in the nothingness, in the everything, the anything. I am drawn to it, like a North pole to a South pole, like an electron to a proton; I flow to it like water down a slope.

And suddenly I am me. Sam Carter. Me. There are voices. There is light. I remember.

I am me.

I open my eyes, surprised at how much energy such a simple task takes. He's standing there. He shot me. Twice. I remember. He killed me, he freed me. He heard me.

"Hey, Carter," he says flippantly, hiding how much it hurt him to kill a friend, hiding the way he always does. "Where you been?"

I struggle to speak. "It's gone?" Please tell me it's gone.

"Yes," General Hammond speaks up. "It is."

It's gone.

"I was shouting..." I whisper. "For you to hear." Shouting so loudly.

He smiles ever so slightly. "We heard."

I want to protest, but I'm too tired; my mouth doesn't work anymore. I just stare at him, wishing I could find the words. No, sir. *You* heard me. You killed me. You heard.

_Fin_


End file.
